庚

it is so cold outside and so cold inside. weatherman says it'll warm up soon so the heat is staying off. instead i'm wearing a thousand layers, lying in front of the computer, huddling under blankets.

it's an interesting transition i'm making from the kind of girl who wants everybody to like her to the kind of girl who just doesn't give a shit. i can feel the wires in me rerouting and the lights clicking on an off like i have some sort of computer-generated intelligence that is adjusting itself and learning through trial and error. like a baby robot.

i can feel the doubt and jealousy and regret trying to seep in; there's a hole in my hardware somewhere. i can feel it like acid, melting away pieces of my hardened technology, but i can feel myself healing, fusing together, creating a stronger bond than was there before. but i don't know how long this will last.

the sun and sky are hidden behind clouds today, so i'll feel incomplete and out of whack all day. mentally limping. all i want to do is go back to sleep.